Early Couple Recovery Assessment
Find out if you are ready to begin relationship repair together.
Is Couple Counseling the Right Next Step?
After infidelity or sexually destructive behavior, it is understandable to want answers, relief, and a clear path forward. But relationship repair counseling is most effective when both spouses have enough safety, stability, honesty, and individual support in place to engage the process without causing further harm. These assessments are designed to help you prayerfully and honestly consider whether this is the right time to begin couples-focused repair work.
Each spouse should complete their assessment separately and answer as openly as possible. The surveys explore important areas such as emotional and physical safety, boundaries, betrayal trauma, sobriety, transparency, accountability, spiritual support, and readiness to participate in the slow work of rebuilding trust.
This is not a test, and there are no “right” answers. Your responses simply help identify the support, pacing, and next steps that may best serve each of you and your marriage. It also informs our marriage ministry professionals* where the foundation is solid and where it needs reinforcement before taking next steps in relationship repair.
Are You Ready to Take the Assessment?**
The following "checklists" will help gauge your readiness for taking the assessment. If you can honestly answer yes to each item, you are likely in a good place to take your next step in your relationship repair -- which is the Early Couple Recovery Assessment (at the bottom of this page).
For Husbands
Trust is rebuilt through what you do over time, not what you promise. Before taking the ECR Assessment, you should be able to say:
☐ I'm actively engaged in my recovery.
I show up consistently to my group, my coaching, and the daily work of recovery, not just when things get hard.
☐ My honesty shows up in my actions.
I take responsibility and follow through on my commitments. Saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough; others can see a real pattern of change.
☐ I have meaningful sobriety.
I've been sober long enough to show real stability, given the nature and severity of what I've done.
☐ I have accountability, and I use it.
I have people and protections in place, and I reach out to them honestly and regularly, not only when asked.
☐ I am committed to be truthful.
I am willing to do a full therapeutic disclosure if needed and not hold onto any secrets.
Wanting to restore your marriage is a good desire, but it isn't the same as being ready. Let your wife set the pace.
For Wives
Your safety and healing come first. You are never obligated to take this assessment or to pursue reconciliation. Before considering it, you should be able to say:
☐ I have my own care and support.
I'm connected to people and resources who are there for me, separate from my husband's recovery.
☐ I am safe.
I'm not facing any threat to my physical, emotional, sexual, financial, or digital safety.
☐ I have boundaries, and my voice matters.
I've set boundaries that protect my heart, and I feel free to speak honestly about what I need.
☐ I have support for hard emotions.
If the assessment stirs up pain, I have people I can turn to while I process it.
☐ This is my choice.
I'm open to considering relationship repair because I want to, not because I feel pressured to reconcile or forgive quickly.
If you don't feel safe right now, please reach out to your Wives Care leader. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
**You are free (and welcome) to take the ECR Assessment any time you like. These "checklists" only provide healthy markers of individual care; they are not iron-clad prerequisites for taking the assessment.
How to Complete the Assessments:
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Each partner completes their individual assessment privately. Please briefly discuss with your partner which marriage ministry professional you want to process your assessments with; it is more effective if you select the same professional. (Husband tip: be willing to defer to your wife's choice as safety is foundational to healing.)
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Review the score for your assessment and read the interpretation. Remember, this isn't a test, but the score helps you understand where you are currently in your healing/recovery journey and the best next steps in relationship repair work.
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Wait for response from marriage ministry professional to set up initial consultation. If you don't hear from your selected marriage ministry professional within a couple of days, reach out to them using the links to their ministry listed below.
Restoration should never require rushing past pain, minimizing betrayal, or sacrificing personal safety. Whether the outcome points toward beginning counseling now, strengthening individual recovery or healing first, or gaining more clarity before moving forward, we pray these assessments help you take the next faithful step in truth, wisdom, and hope.
If you have questions or would like additional information before taking the assessment, contact us.
*These assessments were created in collaboration with the following ministries and marriage professionals. You get to choose which professional you want to receive your assessment and begin next steps in relationship repair. To learn more about each partner, click the links below.
If you would like to download a single PDF flyer of what each marriage ministry professional offers for early couple recovery, click here.
Restored 2 More (Clinton & Charity Munoz)
The Trailblazing Life (RJ & Melissa Whaley)
Beyond Broken Vows (Johnny & Emily Spigelmire)
Reconciled Relationships (Bob & Connie Spiegel)