The Healing and Transformative Power of Praying Together in Marriage
- Jonathan Daugherty
- 11 minutes ago
- 5 min read
I had the privilege recently of interviewing Brad and Heidi Mitchell, founders of the Build Your Marriage, on our podcast. Their story is one of heartbreak, redemption, and the relentless pursuit of intimacy with God and each other. Today, I want to dive deep into the main theme of our conversation: the power and practice of praying together as a couple.
If you’re married, engaged, or even just hoping for a Christ-centered relationship someday, this post is for you. We’ll break down the barriers that keep couples from praying together, explore the profound impact prayer can have on your marriage, and offer actionable steps to help you and your spouse develop a meaningful prayer life—no matter where you’re starting from.
Why Praying Together Is So Rare—And So Needed
Despite being a foundational spiritual practice, praying together is shockingly rare among Christian couples. Research shows that only about 5-6% of married couples pray together regularly—even among pastors and ministry leaders! Brad and Heidi shared that in a room of 50 pastors and their wives, not a single couple raised their hand when asked if they prayed together.
Common Barriers to Praying Together
Let’s get honest about why this happens:
Lack of Modeling: Many of us didn’t grow up in homes where couples prayed together. If you never saw it, it’s hard to know where to start.
Fear of Judgment: Praying out loud exposes your heart. There’s a real fear that your spouse will judge your words, your theology, or your vulnerability.
Insecurity (Especially for Men): Many husbands feel inadequate, thinking their wives are more spiritual or articulate. This insecurity can be paralyzing.
Awkwardness and Uncertainty: Not knowing what to say, how long to pray, or what “counts” as prayer can make the whole thing feel intimidating.
Time Constraints: Life is busy. Prayer can feel like “one more thing” on an already packed schedule.
Spiritual Warfare: Let’s not ignore the spiritual reality—Satan actively opposes couples praying together because he knows how powerful it is.
Expert Insight: Brad emphasized that prayer is a spiritual weapon. The enemy will do everything possible to keep couples from accessing this power.
The Impact of Praying Together: Why It Matters
The statistics are staggering: Couples who pray together regularly have a divorce rate of just 1 in 1,152. Compare that to the nearly 50% divorce rate for first marriages in the general population. Clearly, prayer is more than a spiritual checkbox—it’s a protective force for your relationship.
How Prayer Deepens Intimacy
Praying together isn’t just about asking God for things. It’s about:
Emotional Vulnerability: Prayer opens your soul to your spouse in a way nothing else can. You share your fears, hopes, and struggles before God and each other.
Spiritual Connection: Prayer creates a three-way conversation—husband, wife, and God. This shared spiritual journey builds unity and trust.
Conflict Reduction: When you submit your wills to God together, you’re less likely to argue and more likely to seek God’s guidance in disagreements.
Increased Happiness: Research cited by Heidi shows that 78% of couples who pray together rate their marriage as “very happy” or “extremely happy.”
Personal Story: Brad and Heidi’s own marriage was shattered by betrayal, but it was through honest, vulnerable prayer that they rebuilt trust and intimacy. Their prayers shifted from rote blessings to desperate, specific pleas for healing and guidance.
Overcoming the Barriers: Practical Steps for Couples
If you’re feeling anxious or discouraged about praying together, you’re not alone. Here’s how Brad and Heidi recommend getting started, no matter where you are:
1. Start Individually
Pray for Your Marriage: Before you pray together, spend time alone asking God to soften your heart and guide your relationship.
Ask for Courage: Pray for the courage to be vulnerable and the humility to listen.
2. Begin Simply—No Pressure
Short, Simple Prayers: Start with prayers of thanksgiving or by reading a Psalm or the Lord’s Prayer aloud together.
Alternate Who Leads: Take turns initiating prayer. This removes pressure from one spouse to always be the “spiritual leader.”
Use Written Prayers: If you’re unsure what to say, use Scripture-based prayers or written prayers from a devotional.
3. Address Fears and Insecurities
Acknowledge the Awkwardness: It’s okay to feel awkward at first. Name it, laugh about it, and keep going.
Reject Shame: As Brad said, shame is not from God. When you feel inadequate, claim your identity as a forgiven child of God.
Don’t Perform: Prayer isn’t about impressing your spouse. Be honest, even if your words are halting or simple.
4. Build Gradually
Set a Routine: Choose a consistent time—before bed, after dinner, or during a walk.
Pray for Specific Needs: Move beyond generalities. Pray for each other’s work, struggles, dreams, and your marriage.
Include Your Community: As Brad and Heidi did, pray for your neighbors, friends, and church. This expands your vision and unites you in mission.
5. Use Resources
40-Day Prayer Journey: Brad and Heidi’s book, Build Your Marriage With Prayer (paid link), offers a 40-day guide with daily topics, short devotionals, and simple prayers. Each day alternates who leads and includes discussion questions to deepen your connection.
Devotionals and Apps: There are many devotionals and prayer apps designed for couples. Find one that fits your style and schedule.
Navigating Prayer After Betrayal or Crisis
If your marriage is in crisis—especially after betrayal—praying together can feel impossible. Here’s what Brad and Heidi learned:
Start with Individual Prayer: In the early days after betrayal, it’s okay to pray separately. Ask God for wisdom, healing, and guidance.
Simple, Safe Prayers Together: When you’re ready, pray simple prayers together—thanking God for small blessings or asking for wisdom about next steps.
Avoid Manipulation: The offending spouse should never use prayer to pressure or seek quick forgiveness. Authenticity and patience are key.
Give It Time: Trust and vulnerability take time to rebuild. Don’t rush the process.
Real-Life Stories: The Power of Prayer in Action
Brad and Heidi have seen countless marriages transformed through prayer:
Restored After Divorce: One couple, after an affair and divorce, began praying together on dates. Over time, God restored their relationship, and they remarried.
Turnarounds at Conferences: Couples on the brink of divorce have committed to praying together and seen dramatic changes—sometimes within days.
Reduced Conflict: Couples who pray together report fewer arguments and greater confidence in their decisions.
Encouragement for the Journey
If you’re feeling hesitant, remember:
You’re Not Alone: Most couples struggle with this. The enemy wants you to feel isolated and inadequate.
Start Small: Even a 30-second prayer can be powerful.
God Honors Your Effort: He delights in your desire to seek Him together.
It Gets Easier: Like any habit, praying together becomes more natural with practice.
Take the Next Step
Ready to start? Here’s your action plan:
Talk with your spouse about your desire to pray together. Share your fears and hopes.
Pick a time—even just once a week to start.
Use a resource like Build Your Marriage With Prayer (paid link) to guide you.
Celebrate progress—no matter how small.
For more guidance, visit buildyourmarriage.org to find Brad and Heidi’s book and other resources.
Final Thoughts
Praying together is the most intimate, transformative practice you can develop in your marriage. It’s not about perfection—it’s about presence, honesty, and inviting God into your relationship. Whether your marriage is thriving or struggling, prayer can be the turning point.
Let’s commit to building marriages that reflect God’s love, one prayer at a time.
