Introduction
Pornography is big business and considered by many to be just another form of entertainment. But there is also a growing number of individuals who don’t see pornography as harmless or just entertainment. In fact, more and more research is showing that regular viewing of pornography can have serious harmful effects on individuals, relationships, and even societies.
But this blog post isn’t going to give you a scientific argument to convince you that viewing porn is a bad idea. Instead, I want to share with you my top five reasons why I personally don’t watch porn and then challenge you to consider making your own list of reasons why you don’t (or won’t) watch porn. My hope is that when you see and understand my reasons you may pause to wonder about your own relationship with porn and if there might be a better way to spend your time and life.
Here are my top 5 reasons I don’t watch porn:
Reason 1: It Trains Me to Be a Taker Rather than a Giver
While I believe that selfishness comes naturally to us all, this doesn’t mean I think we should encourage it or train ourselves to be even more selfish. But this seems to be exactly what pornography does – it trains us to be takers, rather than givers.
Pornography does not depict selfless, or sacrificial, love. No, porn is all about taking, demanding, forcing. It may try to portray its scenes and actors as voluntary interactions, but the message is clear: sex is something to be demanded and taken, even if by force.
In my heart of hearts I don’t want to be a taker, a demander. I don’t want to be a person that sees other people as sexual objects to be used for my own pleasure. But if I view porn that’s exactly what I’m being trained to become, even if only in my mind.
I don’t watch porn because I would rather be a giver than a taker.
Reason 2: It Robs Me of Time, Peace, and Productivity
I spent years of my youth watching porn. All those hours were wasted away. And with those fleeting hours I also lost peace and productivity. I never felt “at rest” while watching porn. Quite the opposite, I felt increased chaos and a type of “hyperventilation” of the mind. Porn sped everything up into a frenzy. No stillness. No calm. No peace.
Also, every hour spent watching porn was an hour I wasn’t doing anything of real value in life or relationships. It’s like that time just went up in smoke, nothing to show for it except a mind and heart more turned in on itself, more numbed out to the world around. Porn robbed me of producing anything of real value, anything creative, anything tangible. And when I would go to work or to school, it was as if porn kept a tether attached to my mind that disrupted my concentration. Porn is a master thief.
I have arrested the intruder. Porn has been put behind prison bars in my life, not allowed to roam freely and wreak havoc on my soul. Porn is no longer allowed to come into my house and rob me of what is most precious.
I don’t watch porn because I value time, peace, and productivity more than I value the lies of a thief.
Reason 3: It Disconnects Me from Reality
Porn is not real life. I know this can be a little befuddling given the state of our American culture where everything seems to be influenced by sex. But, regardless of the hypersexualization in our society, pornography is not real. This doesn’t mean the people in the porn aren’t real (they are human beings – most of the time), but it means that what is being portrayed is not the truth about sex and life.
The foundation of porn is fantasy. Thus, by definition porn isn’t reality. And the more I view porn the more I am disconnecting from reality. I am trading the truth (reality) for a lie (fantasy). Given enough time, this can cause some real problems with being able to even distinguish between reality and fantasy.
At the height of my own sexual addiction I found it difficult in my mind to know where the line was between fantasy and reality. It’s like being in a dream (a nightmare) and wondering if you’re asleep or awake. It can be rather frightening.
Reality is the only place where truth and love exist. These are nowhere to be found in pornography. Therefore, if you want truth and love, you must stay grounded in reality.
I don’t watch porn because I long for truth and love in real life, not lies and lust in fantasy.
Reason 4: It Undermines My Faith
I am a Christian. I believe that God created the universe and everything in it, including his image-bearers, human beings. God also created sex as a beautiful picture of intimate love in the covenant bond of marriage and as the primary metaphor of the oneness he created us to enjoy with him. Sex is beautiful and holy as God designed it, and it is exclusive to a husband and wife in marriage.
Porn is opposite in every way from God’s design for sex. Porn is not sacrificial. It is not covenantal. It is not exclusive or faithful. It is not procreative or private. Porn subverts everything God created sex to be. So, if I watch porn I am ingesting images of a worldview that is antithetical to mine as a Christian. This causes discord in my soul.
Sadly, many professing Christians watch porn regularly. Their hearts have grown deaf to the disharmony this creates in the mind. It is easy to say with the lips, “I am a disciple of Jesus,” but hard to walk that out when the siren song of porn begins to play.
There was a time in my past where I lived with this discord between porn and my faith. I did the best I could, trying to harmonize these two dissonant worldviews. Eventually, though, the cacophony of chaos became too much to bear. Something had to give. I have no regrets for giving up porn in favor of my faith.
I don’t watch porn because God loves me and has a much better plan for my life.
Reason 5: It Cheapens Sex and Degrades Human Dignity
The irony of pornography is that it tries to say that sex is great and wonderful while at the same time repeatedly portraying it as a casual act. But it can’t be both ways. Something of great value cannot simultaneously be casual or cheap. These are mutually exclusive categories. Porn can’t say sex is great and then hand it out like cheap candy.
If sex is beautiful (and I believe it is) then it is to be protected, cherished, honored. This is God’s design for it in marriage. But porn says there is no need for a covenant, no need for exclusive faithfulness, no need for love and respect. Porn cheapens sex as being no different or better than a handshake or high five. But porn doesn’t just cheapen the act of sex, it also degrades the dignity of its actors.
My heart truly breaks for those engaged in the making of pornography. Even if they are participating voluntarily they are still being exploited for profit. They are being used solely for their bodies and nothing else. The business of porn is deeply degrading to human dignity. And it isn’t just degrading the actors, it is degrading for the users, too.
When I watched porn I was dehumanizing myself. I was reducing myself down to mere sexual urges and then using an artificial means (porn) to satisfy those urges. This isn’t human, it is animalistic. But we aren’t animals; we are human beings made in the image of God. Porn distorts this image into sexual parts that can be used for profit.
I don’t watch porn because I value humanity and God’s image, both in me and in others.
Conclusion: What’s Your List of Reasons to Not Watch Porn?
Well, there you have it, my top 5 reasons I don’t watch porn. You may like what I’ve shared or not, but that’s not really what matters. Since these are my reasons it doesn’t make a difference to me if you agree or disagree with them. My question now is, “What are your reasons for not watching porn?” Do you have any? If not, why not?
I would love to hear your reasons. Please post them in the comments section or send them to me directly at jonathan@bebroken.org.