Beyond Sobriety: How to Truly Heal from Compulsive Sexual Behavior

One of the greatest privileges of my life is sharing candid, grace-saturated conversations about the reality of sexual brokenness and the hope found in true community and gospel-centered recovery. On this week’s PSR podcast, I sat down with Sean Maney, Director of First Light in St. Louis, to unpack what makes recovery genuine, transformative, and, most importantly, sustainable—for individuals, families, and the wider church.

Our ministry at Be Broken has always been about more than formulas. The conversation with Sean cemented that journey: real recovery takes a holistic, three-dimensional strategy. There's no magic bullet. It's about ongoing, authentic engagement.

We’re not just after sobriety. We’re after wholeness—emotional, relational, and spiritual healing that leads to true freedom.

Beyond Stopping: Why Holistic Healing Matters

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that recovery means simply stopping the unwanted behaviors. We hear it all the time: “If I could just stop, everything would be fine.” But let’s be real—“sober and stuck” is not the goal. As Sean and I discussed, you can be outwardly sober and inwardly still deeply wounded, emotionally stunted, maybe even more difficult to live with than during active addiction. The wounds, the pain, the emotional isolation—these don’t just disappear because the behavior stops.

At First Light, Sean’s team integrates therapy, discipleship, and support groups, recognizing that every person’s journey is unique. Some people need intensive therapy for deep-seated trauma, others thrive in community where real vulnerability can be practiced, and still others find breakthrough in multi-day intensives that address heart-level roots of brokenness.​

What I love about their model is the recognition that our wounds have spiritual, relational, and emotional dimensions. You can’t peel away unhealthy behaviors without addressing the underlying pain. Recovery, then, becomes not just about behavior modification, but a deeply transformative journey toward becoming better lovers of God, spouse, family, and friends.

The Changing Face of Sexual Brokenness

Over the twenty-plus years since Be Broken began, the landscape has changed dramatically. As Sean shared, the rise of “tube sites” and the accessibility of explicit content mean that pornography is now not just tolerated but normalized—especially among younger generations. What once was considered shameful is now a default weekend activity, even among churchgoers. The numbers are staggering, but the bigger crisis is the slow erosion of intimacy, authenticity, and hope in so many hearts.

Yet, it’s not just culture that’s shifted—the reasons people come seeking help have changed, too. Early in my own recovery, shame and moral conviction were big motivators. Nowadays, marriages often reach a crisis point before help is sought. The stories are heartbreakingly similar: secrets discovered, repeated betrayals, and escalating behaviors—from online activity to direct involvement with prostitution.

But in the midst of this escalation, there’s a parallel movement of honesty and authenticity. People are tired of pretending. They want real help, real answers—not just another book, another retreat, or another temporary fix. The brokenness has become too obvious to ignore, and that, paradoxically, is an opportunity for deep gospel work.​

The Church’s Evolving Response

One of the most encouraging—and sometimes frustrating—developments has been the church’s evolving response. The days of absolute silence and shame are, thankfully, passing. Churches are more willing to talk openly about pornography and sexual addiction. Youth pastors, senior pastors, men’s leaders—they recognize this issue is in their pews, small groups, and even their pulpits.

But awareness doesn’t always translate to effective care. Too often, the solution is a quick prayer, a confessional moment around a campfire, or a book handed out with a handshake. These aren’t bad steps, but they’re often not enough. As Sean put it, “You can’t heal years of sexual brokenness and spiritual misformation with a weekend workshop.” The men and women who are truly stuck need a comprehensive approach—a combination of peer support, counseling, intensive programs, and a renewed purpose for living.

Many who come to our ministries are exhausted; they’ve tried the “quick fixes” and are skeptical. They need encouragement to engage deeper and hope that transformation really is possible—for their sake, their marriage, and their walk with Christ.​

Core Components of Real Recovery Beyond Sobriety

So what does it take? Over and over, Sean and I see that lasting freedom and healing are anchored by a few non-negotiable components:

• Community: Recovery requires a team. Isolation is a breeding ground for relapse. Whether through 12-step groups, church-based small groups, or ministry-specific support networks, genuine friendship and accountability are essential. It means having people you can call at 2 AM on your hardest day—men and women who really get it and will walk with you through relapse, shame, and victory.

• Therapy and Deep Healing: Many of us carry wounds from childhood, family systems, and trauma that fuel unwanted sexual behaviors. Individual and group counseling provide the safe space needed to explore these wounds, grieve losses, and learn new emotional tools. Without this, we risk swapping addictions, medicating in new ways, or living as “sober jerks”—physically abstinent but relationally and spiritually unchanged.

• Discipleship and Purpose: At its core, sexual recovery is a discipleship journey. We’re not just leaving something behind; we’re being called toward a new way of loving, relating, and living. The Gospel is not about survival—it's about transformation. The goal isn’t to “white knuckle” abstinence but to grow in love, purpose, and the image of Christ.

• Multi-Level Engagement: No single tool or meeting, on its own, is enough. A recovery plan that brings together group support, counseling, intensives, and spiritual formation is what creates a “fully orbed” network of care. This is where we find not just sobriety, but deep joy, reconciliation, and lasting transformation.​

Hope That Endures

Many days, Sean and I are just as burdened by the statistics as anyone else. The numbers are daunting, the cultural currents are strong, and the pain is very real. But for every bleak headline, there are stories of incredible renewal, radical authenticity, and marriages restored beyond what seemed possible.

My own encouragement—and Sean echoed this so beautifully—is that our work is not about numbers, but names. Every changed life, every restored relationship, every husband and wife who presses through crisis toward something better testifies to the power of grace and community. When you see someone move from secrecy and shame to joy and integrity, you realize the Gospel still has the last word—not the darkness, not the statistics.

There’s an evangelistic edge in this work, too. Men and women who heal are, in turn, able to become ambassadors—helping their peers, families, and churches move out of silence and shame toward wholeness and hope. Recovery is not exile. Done well, it equips us for deeper friendship, more courageous loving, and a faith that actually works in the grit of life.

If you’re reading this and feel stuck, or if you're walking alongside someone who is, please know: there is hope. Transformation is possible. It’s a road that takes courage and commitment, but you don’t have to—and can’t—walk it alone.

For more resources and support, explore our work at Be Broken Ministries and consider connecting with partners like First Light. You are not alone, and your healing journey can start today.

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If this episode encouraged or challenged you, consider sharing it, leaving a review, and reaching out for support. We’re here to walk with you toward lasting freedom and deep, authentic life.