Breaking the Cycle of Shame: How Parents Can Embrace God’s Design for Sexuality and Guide Their Children with Confidence
- Jonathan Daugherty
- Aug 7
- 6 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
I’m thrilled to share insights from a powerful conversation I had with Linda Stewart and Linda Noble—affectionately known as “the Lindas.” Their work centers on equipping parents and mentors to talk about God’s design for sexuality through the lens of the theology of the body. If you’ve ever felt unqualified, ashamed, or simply overwhelmed by the idea of discussing sex and sexuality with your kids, this post is for you.
Let’s dive deep into the main theme of our discussion: how parents can overcome their own shame and unresolved issues to have open, healthy, and redemptive conversations about sexuality with their children. I’ll break down each tip and insight from the episode, offering actionable advice and expert guidance to help you move forward with hope and confidence.
1. Embrace a Positive Vision: Understanding God’s Design for the Body and Sexuality
Why It Matters: Many of us grew up with silence, confusion, or even negativity around the topic of sex. The Lindas discovered the theology of the body—a beautiful, God-centered understanding of human sexuality—which transformed their own perspectives and inspired them to help others.
Action Steps:
Educate Yourself:
Read resources like Before the Sex Talk (paid link) and explore the theology of the body.
Listen to podcasts and attend workshops that present a positive, holistic view of sexuality.
Reflect on God’s Story:
Recognize that sexuality is part of God’s bigger story for humanity, not a taboo or shameful subject.
See your body and your child’s body as good, purposeful, and designed for flourishing.
Expert Insight: When parents catch this vision, it’s often a lightbulb moment. It reframes sexuality from something to fear or avoid into something to celebrate and steward well.
2. Recognize and Address Your Own Shame
Why It Matters: Unresolved shame from our past can make us hesitant, anxious, or even silent when it comes to talking with our kids about sex. Shame narrows our focus and can lead us to avoid these crucial conversations.
Action Steps:
Acknowledge Your Story:
Take time to reflect on your own experiences and where shame might be lingering.
Journal or talk with a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist about your feelings.
Seek Healing:
Remember, you’re not disqualified by your past. God’s grace is for you, too.
Consider professional counseling or spiritual direction if past wounds are deep.
Invite God In:
Pray for healing and the courage to see yourself as God sees you—loved, forgiven, and whole.
Expert Insight: The Lindas remind us that parenting can be an invitation to healing. As you walk with your children, God often uses these moments to bring redemption to your own story.
3. Lead with Humility and Curiosity
Why It Matters: Kids can sense when we’re pretending to have all the answers. Humility and curiosity create a safe space for honest, ongoing dialogue.
Action Steps:
Model Humility:
Admit when you don’t know something. Say, “I’m learning, too.”
Be open about your journey without oversharing or burdening your child.
Practice Curiosity:
Ask your child open-ended questions: “What have you heard about this?” or “How do you feel about what we just talked about?”
Be curious about your own reactions—why does this topic make you uncomfortable? What’s underneath that feeling?
Expert Insight: Humility and curiosity are antidotes to shame. They invite both you and your child to explore, learn, and grow together, rather than shutting down or avoiding tough topics.
4. Discern How and When to Share Your Story
Why It Matters: Parents often wonder how much of their own story to share. The answer isn’t one-size-fits-all—it depends on your child’s age, maturity, and needs.
Action Steps:
Pause and Pray:
Before sharing, ask yourself: “Is this for my child’s benefit, or am I seeking relief for myself?”
Pray for wisdom and discernment about what to share and when.
Share Appropriately:
You don’t need to give all the details. Focus on the themes of longing, brokenness, and redemption.
For example: “I made choices that separated me from God, but I’m learning to find my satisfaction in Him now.”
Be Ready to Listen:
Sometimes your child just needs to know you’re a safe person to talk to, not that you have all the answers or a perfect past.
Expert Insight: Sharing your journey of healing—without overwhelming your child—models vulnerability and hope. It shows that everyone is on a journey, and God’s grace is available at every step.
5. Start Small and Build a Foundation
Why It Matters: You don’t have to have “the talk” all at once. Building a foundation of trust and open communication makes later conversations about sex much easier and more natural.
Action Steps:
Begin with God’s Dream:
Talk about God’s vision for human flourishing, value, and relationships before diving into specifics about sex.
Use Age-Appropriate Conversations:
With young children, discuss how God made our bodies good and for a purpose.
With older kids, gradually introduce more complex topics as they’re ready.
Leverage Resources:
Use books and workbooks like Before the Sex Talk (paid link) to guide your conversations step-by-step.
Engage in workshops or online communities for ongoing support.
Expert Insight: The Lindas’ resources are designed to help you start with simple, positive conversations and build up to more challenging topics. This approach reduces anxiety for both you and your child.
6. Slow Down and Respond, Don’t React
Why It Matters: Parenting often feels urgent, especially when kids ask tough questions or when our own fears are triggered. But slowing down allows us to respond thoughtfully and invite God into the conversation.
Action Steps:
Take a Breath:
When a tough topic comes up, pause. It’s okay to say, “That’s a great question. Can we talk about it after dinner so I can think about it?”
Ask Questions:
Clarify what your child is really asking. Sometimes their question is simpler than you think.
Invite God’s Presence:
Pray silently or together before diving into a sensitive conversation.
Expert Insight: Slowing down helps you avoid reacting out of fear or shame. It creates space for grace, wisdom, and genuine connection.
7. It’s Never Too Late: Re-engage at Any Age
Why It Matters: Many parents worry they’ve missed their window—maybe their kids are teens or adults and these conversations never happened. The good news: it’s never too late to start.
Action Steps:
Reopen the Conversation:
Approach your child with humility: “I realize we haven’t talked much about this, but I’d love to share what I’m learning.”
Model Growth:
Share new insights you’re discovering about God’s design for relationships and sexuality.
Focus on Relationship:
Keep the lines of communication open. Your ongoing love and presence matter more than having all the right answers.
Expert Insight: God is always pursuing your child, no matter their age. Your willingness to grow and engage can open doors for healing and connection at any stage.
8. Use Trusted Resources and Community Support
Why It Matters: You don’t have to do this alone. There are excellent resources and communities designed to support you on this journey.
Action Steps:
Explore TheConversationWorkshop.com:
Access blogs, podcasts, books, and workbooks created by the Lindas.
Start with the parent reflection questions before engaging your child.
Join a Workshop or Small Group:
Learning alongside other parents can provide encouragement and accountability.
Stay Connected:
Subscribe to newsletters or follow trusted voices on social media for ongoing tips and support.
Expert Insight: Community and resources help you stay encouraged and equipped. They remind you that you’re not alone in this important work.
Access all our Family Care resources at Bebroken.org/family.
Final Encouragement: You’re Not Alone on This Journey
Parenting in today’s world is challenging, especially when it comes to conversations about sex and sexuality. But you don’t have to be perfect or have all the answers. By embracing God’s vision, addressing your own shame, leading with humility and curiosity, and taking small, intentional steps, you can break the cycle of silence and shame for your family.
Remember, every step you take toward wholeness and open communication is a gift to your child—and to yourself. God’s grace is more than enough for your journey.
Ready to take the next step? Check out TheConversationWorkshop.com for more resources, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support. You’re not alone, and together, we can raise a generation that understands and celebrates God’s good design for sexuality.
