God's Design for Sex

Story is the cornerstone of our ministry at Be Broken. The Bible teaches through story. Our imperfect and messy stories are a picture of God's grace. What many people do not realize is that God designed human sexuality to tell a story as well. 

Like all stories God designed, the story told through human sexuality has something to teach us. If we were to outline the story told through human sexuality—at least as God originally designed it—it might look something like what you'll read here.

The Human Story

Pursuit. The story starts with a pursuit. A man pursues a woman or a woman pursues a man. There is a desire for a relationship deep enough to motivate a resolute pursuit of the other.

Proposal. The man offers to take the woman to be his forever. This is an open offer that can be refused. Sexuality is not intended to be mandated, but offered. Along with that proposal is a promise to stay exclusively together. The Bible calls this kind of promise a covenant, or unbreakable agreement.

Giving. The woman gives herself to the man, accepting the covenant offer. Yes, the husband gives himself to his wife, but the way God designed human sexuality to work, the kind of giving the woman offers, is more vulnerable. 

Uniting. The man and woman then unite. When the Bible says a man and woman "unite," it means they have sex. 

Joy. God's intention for marital sex was that the process would be joyful for both husband and wife. That is why God designed so much pleasure into sex. Sadly, that is not always the outcome of marital sex. Men and women come into marriage with all kinds of sexual brokenness that can get in the way of this joy. In addition, we are not born knowing how to be sexual in ways that please our spouse. That takes time to learn. However, mutual joy is the original design and intent of marital sex.

New Life. The outcome of marital sex is the creation of new life. God gave humanity a great gift by giving us the ability to create new life together. 

God's Design for Sex is Not an Accident

My background is in biology. I have a master's degree in biology and taught it for nine years. As a biologist, I can tell you that God didn't have to make human sexuality work the way it does. Fish do not touch to reproduce. Amphibians reproduce by touch, but only externally.

There was no reason God needed to make human reproduction anywhere near as intimate as He did. He made our sexual organs work the way they do on purpose and for a purpose. That purpose is to tell a story. And that story is pursuit, proposal, giving, uniting, joy, and creating new life. The element of uniting is key to the purpose God designed into human sexuality.

God's Story

Human sexuality tells the story of salvation. Human sexuality tells God's story.

1. God pursues us.

2. God offers, or proposes, to take us as His own.

3. We give ourselves to God if we accept His offer. That means we allow Him access to all of who we are.

4. God unites with us. He sends part of Himself, the Holy Spirit, to live inside of us.

5. We both experience joy.

6. The Holy Spirit begins to form a new life within us, transforming us into a new creation.

The important parts of this story—the parts that differ from how lower animals reproduce—are the giving and uniting. Salvation requires that we fully give ourselves to God. Simple belief in God is not enough; we must give him total access.

When we accept His offer, God does not just become our friend. He enters us in the form of the Holy Spirit. This requires that we agree or consent to God uniting with us completely. It requires that we give Him permission to change us from the inside out.

The Purpose of God's Design

God designed our sexuality to tell a story—His story. Sexuality was not intended to reveal anything about you or me. Sexuality and gender differences reveal God. They illustrate how God wants to relate to us. 

“As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you” (Isaiah 62:5 NIV).

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32 NASB).

Throughout the Bible, God uses the analogy of sexual relations between a husband and wife to explain salvation and the gospel. Two references are mentioned above, but there are many more from Genesis to Revelation.

The purpose of our sexuality is to point us to God.

Human sexuality demonstrates God's intended relationship with us through a very concrete illustration.

All of us were single once. Most of us will be single again unless we die before or at the same time as our spouse. Marriage is not the ultimate stage in life; unity with Christ is. Marriage just helps us better understand what unity in Christ looks like. 

Be Broken Ministries helps men, women, and families move from sexual brokenness to wholeness in Christ. The picture of marital sex shows us what wholeness in Christ looks like: giving ourselves to God and allowing the Holy Spirit to create a new life in us. Many people who claim to be Christians have done neither of these things. 

All of us, from time to time, resist the changes God is making in us. That does not make us less Christian, and God is not surprised. He understands how difficult it is for us to trust Him fully. That is one reason why God made our sexuality to remind us of His story.

When we have fears and doubts, we can look back at the story God tells through marital sex, remember how dedicated to us He is, and then allow the Holy Spirit to keep creating new life in us.