Girl Talk: Helping Moms and Daughters Have Honest Conversations About Sex

As a host who’s had the privilege of interviewing Ashley Jameson—a fearless sex educator and author—I’m excited to share the wisdom and practical advice she offers in her new book, Girl Talk. This guide is designed to help mothers and daughters navigate the often-intimidating terrain of conversations about sex, identity, and growing up in a hyper-sexualized world.

In this post, I’ll break down the main themes and actionable tips from our conversation, offering you a roadmap to become the safe, trusted guide your daughter needs. Whether you’re a mom who feels unprepared, overwhelmed, or just unsure where to start, you’ll find encouragement, expert insights, and practical steps to make these crucial conversations not just possible, but transformative.

Why Moms Need to Lead the Conversation About Sex

The Reality: Kids Are Learning About Sex—But Not From You

Ashley’s research and experience paint a sobering picture: most kids aren’t hearing about sex from their parents. In her conference sessions, out of hundreds of teens, only a handful have ever had a real conversation about sex with their parents. The rest are learning from friends, school, or—most alarmingly—social media and pornography.

Key Insight: If you’re not talking to your daughter about sex, someone else is. And that “someone” is often the internet, peers, or media—sources that may not have her best interests at heart.

The Stakes: Early Exposure and Misinformation

• Pornography is reaching kids younger than ever—sometimes as early as 9 or 10.

• Girls are not immune. In fact, they’re one of the fastest-growing demographics for porn use, and the content they see is often violent or unrealistic.

• Body image, identity, and peer pressure are all wrapped up in what girls see and hear online.

Expert Advice: Don’t wait for your daughter to come to you. Be proactive. The earlier you start, the more likely she’ll see you as her safe, trusted source.

Overcoming the Barriers: Why These Conversations Are So Hard

1. Your Own Fears and Shame

Even Ashley, a seasoned sex educator, admits she gets nervous talking to her own kids about sex. Many moms carry shame or trauma from their own upbringing, especially if sex was a taboo topic at home or church.

Actionable Tip: Acknowledge your discomfort, but don’t let it stop you. “Do it afraid,” as Ashley says. Your willingness to push through awkwardness models courage and honesty for your daughter.

2. The Myth: “If I Talk About Sex, I’ll Encourage It”

Many parents worry that bringing up sex will plant ideas or encourage experimentation. Research and real-life experience show the opposite:

• Kids are already curious.

• If you’re the first to talk, you become the trusted source.

• Open conversations actually delay risky behavior and reduce shame.

Actionable Tip: Frame the conversation as a way to answer her questions and keep her safe, not as a green light for sexual activity.

3. The Belief: “She’s Too Young”

With kids being exposed to sexual content earlier than ever, waiting until you think she’s “old enough” is risky. Girls as young as 9 or 10 are encountering porn, body shaming, and sexualized messages.

Actionable Tip: Start early, using age-appropriate language. Answer only what she’s asking, and let her curiosity guide the depth of the conversation.

Practical Strategies for Building Trust and Safety

1. Practice Your Responses

Kids will ask questions that catch you off guard. The key is to stay calm and avoid reacting with shock or shame.

How to Prepare:

• Practice saying words and naming body parts out loud, even in front of a mirror.

• Prepare simple, honest answers for common questions.

• If you need a moment, it’s okay to say, “That’s a great question. Let me think about how to answer it best.”

Example: When Ashley’s daughter asked, “What is oral sex?” she calmly answered, and her daughter simply replied, “That’s gross.” The moment passed, but the door stayed open.

2. Let Your Daughter Drive the Conversation

Don’t feel pressured to deliver a lecture. Instead, respond to her questions at her level and let her curiosity set the pace.

Tips:

• Ask, “What made you think of that?” to understand the context.

• Give short, age-appropriate answers.

• If she wants to write instead of talk, that’s okay—meet her where she is.

3. Create a Rhythm, Not a One-Time “Talk”

Ashley’s book, Girl Talk, is structured as an eight-week journey, with each session taking less than 20 minutes. This approach helps normalize ongoing conversations rather than making sex a one-time, high-pressure event.

How to Use the Book:

• Read each week’s chapter and questions together.

• Share your own stories and feelings first to model vulnerability.

• Allow your daughter to respond in writing or conversation.

• If you have multiple daughters or can’t afford two books, share one and adapt as needed.

4. Be Proactive, Not Reactive

Don’t wait for a crisis or a “red flag” to start talking. Proactive conversations build trust and make it easier for your daughter to come to you when she’s struggling.

If You Feel You’ve Missed the Boat:

• It’s never too late. Apologize for not starting sooner and invite her into the conversation now.

• Share your own experiences at her age to open the door.

• Use resources like Girl Talk or this podcast as conversation starters.

5. Focus on Connection Over Control

While digital tools and monitoring apps can help, nothing replaces a strong parent-child relationship. When your daughter feels emotionally safe, she’s more likely to come to you with questions or struggles.

Ways to Build Safety:

• Listen without judgment.

• Affirm her feelings and questions.

• Remind her that your love and support are unconditional.

Addressing the Realities: Girls and Pornography

The Facts:

• Girls are increasingly exposed to and using pornography.

• Porn companies are targeting girls as a growth market.

• Exposure can lead to confusion about sexuality, body image issues, and acceptance of unhealthy behaviors.

What Moms Need to Know:

• Don’t assume your daughter is immune.

• Be ready to talk about what she might see online, how it makes her feel, and what’s real vs. fantasy.

• Normalize conversations about curiosity, mistakes, and boundaries.

Sample Conversation Starters

• “When I was your age, I had questions about my body and sex. Did you ever wonder about that?”

• “Have you or your friends ever seen something online that made you uncomfortable?”

• “If you ever have questions or see something confusing, I want you to know you can always come to me.”

Encouragement for Moms: You Can Do This

Ashley’s message is clear: You don’t have to be perfect or have all the answers. What matters is your willingness to show up, be honest, and keep the conversation going.

If You’re Overwhelmed:

• Start small. One question, one story, one honest answer at a time.

• If you feel stuck, reach out for help—Ashley even offers her email (below) for encouragement.

• Remember, your daughter doesn’t need a flawless expert. She needs a safe, loving mom who’s willing to walk this journey with her.

Where to Find Girl Talk and More Resources

• Girl Talk is available through the Pure Desire Ministries store.

• For encouragement or questions, you can email Ashley directly at ashleyj@puredesire.com.

Final Thoughts

Having honest conversations about sex with your daughter isn’t easy—but it’s one of the most important gifts you can give her. By starting early, staying calm, and building a foundation of trust, you equip her to navigate a world full of confusing and often harmful messages about sex and identity.

You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to do it. And with resources like Girl Talk and the support of a community, you’re never alone on this journey.

Ready to start the conversation? Pick up Girl Talk, set aside time each week, and take the first step toward building a relationship where your daughter knows she can always come to you—no matter what.