Helping Wives Restore Hope After Betrayal Trauma in Marriage

Today, I want to share a powerful and deeply personal conversation I had with Lyschel Burket, Executive Director of Hope Redefined, a nonprofit ministry dedicated to supporting wives and women walking through the pain of sexual betrayal trauma. If you’re a woman who’s experienced the shattering effects of betrayal in your marriage, or you’re supporting someone who has, this post is for you. We’re going to unpack the main themes from our recent episode, break down actionable steps for healing, and offer expert insights that go beyond the basics—because healing from betrayal trauma is anything but simple.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma: More Than Just Heartbreak

Let’s start by defining what betrayal trauma really is. As Lyschel so eloquently put it, betrayal trauma isn’t just emotional pain—it’s a profound breach of trust in a relationship where safety, honesty, and shared values were assumed. When that trust is broken, especially in marriage, it’s not just your heart that’s affected. Your entire body, mind, and nervous system are thrown into chaos. Many women experience symptoms similar to PTSD: anxiety, hyper-vigilance, emotional numbness, and a constant sense of instability.

Key Takeaway: Betrayal trauma is a whole-person experience. It disrupts your sense of safety, equilibrium, and even your identity. Recognizing this is the first step toward authentic healing.

Why We Misplace Our Hope: The Search for Safety

One of the most profound insights Lyschel shared is why so many betrayed wives place their hope in their husband’s recovery. It’s not irrational—it’s a desperate attempt to restore safety. Marriage is supposed to be the ultimate safe place, and when that’s shattered, your brain instinctively seeks to repair it, often by hoping your husband will “fix” what’s broken.

But here’s the hard truth:

• Most of us have never learned how to rebuild trust after it’s broken.

• In marriage, avoidance isn’t an option—especially with children involved.

• We often try to repair trust too quickly, hoping for a shortcut to safety.

Other Common Places We Misplace Hope

Lyschel identified several patterns of where betrayed wives can misplace hope:

• In our husbands’ recovery: Believing if he just gets better, I’ll be okay.

• In ourselves: If I’m more spiritual, forgiving, or “better,” I can fix this.

• In avoidance: Shutting down emotionally to avoid more pain.

• In parenting: Pouring everything into the kids to find purpose and control.

• In unhealthy escapes: Substance use, affairs, or other distractions.

Expert Insight: All these responses are attempts to regain safety. They’re understandable, but they ultimately fall short because they’re rooted in misplaced hope.

The True Foundation: Safety and Stabilization

So, if all these hopes are misplaced, where should we turn? Lyschel’s answer is both practical and profound: The first step in healing is establishing true safety and stabilization.

What Does Safety Look Like?

Drawing from trauma-informed care and the ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) model, Lyschel explains:

• Safety is both internal and external.

  • Internally: Calming your nervous system, learning to self-soothe, and recognizing your trauma responses as normal.

  • Externally: Creating boundaries, finding supportive environments, and removing yourself from ongoing harm when possible.

• Stabilization is about regaining equilibrium.

  • This might mean slowing down, seeking professional help, or simply giving yourself permission to grieve.

Actionable Steps:

• Acknowledge your trauma response. Your body is sounding the alarm for a reason.

• Prioritize environments and relationships that feel safe. This may mean limiting contact with unsafe people, even temporarily.

• Practice grounding techniques: Deep breathing, journaling, praying, or gentle movement can help calm your nervous system.

Reaching for the Right Source of Hope

Lyschel shared a deeply personal journaling experience, reflecting on the biblical story of the woman with the blood disease. She realized she had been reaching for the “hem” of her husband’s garment, hoping he would heal her, when only Jesus is the true healer.

What Does Hope in Jesus Look Like Practically?

• Grieve honestly with God.

  • Sit with your pain and tell the truth about your reality. God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34).

• Rebuild your direct relationship with God.

  • You don’t need to go through your husband to get to Jesus. You have direct access to the Father.

• Let go of the idol of marriage.

  • Marriage is important, but it’s not your savior. Your identity and healing are found in Christ, not in the status of your relationship.

Practical Exercise: Draw a triangle with “God” at the top and “me” and “him” at the bottom corners. Notice where you’ve been placing your hope. Shift your focus back to your side of the triangle and your relationship with God.

The Power—and Limits—of Community

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Lyschel’s ministry, and her new 45-week curriculum Abiding in Hope, is built on the belief that community is essential for healing. But there’s a nuance here: community is a tool, not the ultimate source of hope.

How to Find the Right Community

• Look for spaces where you can be authentic.

  • You don’t have to have it all together. Show up as you are—messy, joyful, grieving, or hopeful.

• Avoid making community an idol.

  • Don’t swap one misplaced hope for another. Community supports your journey, but it doesn’t replace your relationship with God.

• Seek out groups that understand betrayal trauma.

  • Not all support groups are created equal. Find one that’s trauma-informed and led by people who “get it.”

  
  

Expert Advice: If you’re not sure where to start, Lyschel’s ministry offers intake calls to help women find the right fit. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

Embracing the Process: Progress, Not Perfection

One of the most encouraging parts of our conversation was the reminder that healing is a journey, not a destination. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You’ll hit milestones—sometimes inches, sometimes miles. The key is to keep moving forward, even if it’s slow.

Encouragement for the Weary

• God’s mercies are new every morning.

  • He’s not tired of you. He invites you to come back, again and again.

• Find companions for the journey.

  • Look for people who will let you be honest, who will sit with you in your pain, and who will celebrate your progress.

• Redefine hope as a lifestyle, not a finish line.

  • Healing is ongoing, but you won’t always be in the same place. Celebrate every step.

  
  

Resources and Next Steps

If you’re ready to take the next step, here are some resources Lyschel and her team offer:

• Website: Hope Redefined

• Podcast: Hope for Wives (available on all major platforms)

• Social Media: Facebook and Instagram

• 45-Week Curriculum: Abiding in Hope—a closed group experience for deep healing in community

• Retreats: Twice a year, focused on practical healing and connection

• Intake Calls: Personalized support to help you find the right resources

Final Thoughts

If you’re a woman walking through the devastation of betrayal trauma, know this: You are not alone. Your pain is real, your responses are normal, and your healing is possible. True hope isn’t found in your husband’s recovery, in your own strength, or in any quick fix. It’s found in the safety and love of Christ, supported by authentic community, and nurtured through honest, ongoing process.

Let’s walk this journey together—one step, one breath, one day at a time.

If you found this post helpful, please share it with someone who needs encouragement. And don’t forget to check the show notes for all the resources mentioned. We’re here for you.