Why Are You Stuck? Overcoming Barriers to Personal Growth
- Jonathan Daugherty
- 13 hours ago
- 5 min read
Today, I’m thrilled to share insights from a powerful conversation I had with Stephen Cervantes, all about a question that hits home for so many of us: Why are you stuck? Whether you’re wrestling with emotional, spiritual, or relational challenges—or supporting someone who is—this episode is for you.
We’re speaking from the heart of our ministry, a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to helping men, especially those in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, find hope, healing, and growth. If you’re ready to move beyond “stuck,” let’s break down the real reasons we get trapped and, more importantly, how to break free.
Table of Contents
The Cost of Staying Stuck
Let’s start with a truth: staying stuck is costly—not just for you, but for your relationships, your faith, and your future. Our ministry exists because we believe every man deserves a chance to grow, heal, and thrive. But producing this podcast, running groups, and offering resources takes real investment. That’s why we’re excited about our year-end matching gift opportunity—every dollar you give is doubled, making your support go twice as far.
But the real cost we’re talking about today is the cost of not growing. When you’re stuck, you’re missing out on peace, joy, and the deep contentment God wants for you. So let’s get practical about what keeps us stuck and how to move forward.
Understanding Why We Get Stuck
The Blind Spots
One of the biggest reasons we get stuck is what Stephen calls self-blindness. We all have blind spots—areas where we can’t see our own obstacles. Sometimes, it’s a lack of curiosity or a fear of discomfort. Other times, it’s simply not knowing what questions to ask.
“Some people seem to choose to be stuck by not asking the right questions or seeking growth. But most of us want to grow—we just don’t know how.” – Stephen Cervantes
The Lens We Use
We all see life through a personal “lens.” For some, it’s a lens of survival or comfort; for others, it’s a victim lens (“I can’t succeed, so why try?”). Your lens shapes your goals, your willingness to change, and your openness to personal growth.
Common Barriers to Personal Growth
(and How to Overcome Them)
Let’s break down the most common reasons we get stuck, with actionable advice for each.
1. Self-Doubt
What it looks like:
Fear of failure
Questioning your ability to succeed
Avoiding risks because of past criticism or rejection
Why it happens: Many of us learned as kids that taking risks led to criticism or rejection. Over time, we internalize the message: “Don’t try, because you’ll just fail again.”
How to overcome it:
Name your self-doubt. Write down the specific fears or doubts you have.
Challenge the narrative. Ask: “Is this really true, or is it an old story I’m telling myself?”
Take small risks. Start with manageable steps—success builds confidence.
Seek feedback from safe people. Community can help you see your strengths.
2. Comparison
What it looks like:
Feeling inferior to others who seem more capable
Believing you’ll never measure up
Why it happens: We live in a culture of comparison. Social media, work, even church can make us feel “less than.”
How to overcome it:
Focus on your own journey. Growth isn’t a competition.
Celebrate small wins. Every step forward matters.
Limit comparison triggers. Take breaks from social media or environments that fuel insecurity.
3. Overwhelm
What it looks like:
Feeling paralyzed by too many responsibilities
Not knowing where to start
Why it happens: Life piles up—work, family, recovery, chores. When the “room is trashed,” it’s hard to know where to begin.
How to overcome it:
Break tasks into small steps. Don’t try to fix everything at once.
Prioritize. What’s the one thing you can do today?
Ask for help. You don’t have to do it alone.
4. Confusion
What it looks like:
Problems feel like a tangled knot
No clear path forward
Why it happens: Current struggles are often connected to past wounds, but we don’t always see the link.
How to overcome it:
Reflect on your story. Where have you seen these patterns before?
Work with a mentor or counselor. Sometimes you need outside perspective.
Be patient. Untangling the knot takes time.
5. Excuses and Blame
What it looks like:
“It’s not my fault.”
“If only my spouse/kids/boss were different…”
Why it happens: Excuses protect us from discomfort and responsibility. Blame is a defense mechanism, especially in addiction.
How to overcome it:
Own your part. Even if others contributed, what can you control?
Stop waiting for perfect conditions. Growth starts with action, not excuses.
Practice gratitude. Focusing on what you can do shifts your mindset.
6. Limiting Beliefs
What it looks like:
“I can’t change.”
“I’ve always been this way.”
“This is just who I am.”
Why it happens: We confuse our struggles with our identity. Over time, these beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies.
How to overcome it:
Challenge the belief. Is it really true that you can’t change?
Remember your God-given talents. You are more than your struggles.
Take one step. Growth is about progress, not perfection.
7. Old Pain and Core Fears
What it looks like:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never measure up.”
“If I fail, I’ll be rejected or abandoned.”
Why it happens: Old wounds from childhood or past relationships shape our deepest fears. These fears domino into each other—fear of failure leads to fear of rejection, which leads to fear of abandonment.
How to overcome it:
Identify your core fear. What’s the old pain statement that keeps surfacing?
Refine it over time. As you grow, you’ll see it more clearly.
Take healthy risks. Faith is about stepping forward, even when you’re afraid.
Trust God’s love and plan. You are not alone, and you are not defined by your past.
The Power of Community and Accountability
One of the most consistent themes in our conversation is the transformative power of community. Men often resist joining groups, but those who do find them to be the best source of encouragement and growth.
Why community matters:
Provides accountability and support
Offers new perspectives and wisdom
Breaks the cycle of isolation and shame
Actionable advice:
Join a group. Whether it’s a recovery group, church small group, or trusted circle of friends, don’t go it alone.
Be honest. Growth happens when you’re real about your struggles.
Encourage others. As you grow, help others do the same.
Action Steps for Getting Unstuck
Let’s get practical. Here’s how you can start moving forward today:
Reflect: Take time to identify which barrier is holding you back.
Own your story: Stop making excuses and take responsibility for your growth.
Ask for help: Reach out to a mentor, counselor, or group.
Take one step: Don’t wait for perfect conditions—start with what you can do now.
Practice faith and hope: Trust that God is with you and that change is possible.
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