Beyond the Porn Phenomenon: Breaking the Silence on Sexual Brokenness in the Church
- Jonathan Daugherty
- Jun 22
- 5 min read
In today’s episode, I had the privilege of sitting down with Nick Stumbo, director of Pure Desire Ministries, for a candid and deeply insightful conversation about sexual brokenness—especially as it relates to pornography use in the Christian community. We dove into the findings of a groundbreaking research project, "Beyond the Porn Phenomenon," conducted in partnership with the Barna Group. This study updates the landscape on pornography use, its impact on individuals and relationships, and the unique challenges facing churches and families today.
If you’re a pastor, parent, ministry leader, or simply someone who cares about the health of your community, this post is for you. I’ll break down the main themes and actionable tips from our conversation, offering practical steps and expert insights to help you navigate these complex issues with grace, wisdom, and hope.
Table of Contents
1. Understanding the Disconnect: Spiritual vs. Sexual Health
One of the most striking themes from our conversation is the compartmentalization that often happens in Christian circles. Many believers see their spiritual life and sexual behavior as separate, believing they can maintain spiritual maturity while ignoring struggles like pornography.
Key Insights:
Holistic Health: Nick emphasized that our thoughts, bodies, hearts, and souls are interconnected. What we do with our bodies and minds directly impacts our spiritual health.
Prevalence of Struggle: The research revealed that 61% of Americans and 54% of practicing Christians have viewed pornography—a significant increase from previous years. For the first time, a majority of practicing Christians admit to this struggle.
Normalization: Despite increased resources and conversations, the struggle is growing. Many people now see pornography as normal, which reduces the perceived need for help.
Actionable Advice:
Acknowledge the Connection: Start by recognizing that sexual integrity is a spiritual issue. Avoid the trap of thinking, “I can be spiritually healthy while ignoring this part of my life.”
Educate Yourself and Others: Use updated research to inform your understanding and conversations. Outdated statistics can minimize the urgency of the issue.
2. The Power of Secrecy and Shame in Sexual Brokenness
Secrecy and shame are powerful forces that keep people trapped in cycles of sexual brokenness. The research found that 84% of those who view pornography say no one is helping them avoid it, and 48% of practicing Christians report that no one knows about their struggle.
Why the Silence?
Fear of Judgment: Many fear being judged or rejected, especially in church settings.
Lack of Safe Spaces: Only 11% of respondents would feel comfortable talking to their pastor about pornography. Most would rather confide in a counselor or doctor, who are bound by confidentiality.
Actionable Advice:
Break the Silence: If you’re struggling, consider sharing with a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor. You don’t have to do this alone.
Normalize Vulnerability: Leaders, model vulnerability by sharing your own journey (as appropriate). This sets the tone for others to open up.
Challenge Shame: Remind yourself and others that shame thrives in secrecy. Bringing struggles into the light is the first step toward healing.
3. Creating Safe Spaces in the Church
Churches are called to be places of grace, but too often, they become environments where people feel they must hide their struggles. Nick and I discussed the urgent need for churches to move beyond simply encouraging honesty to actually equipping themselves to respond well.
What Makes a Church Safe?
Clear Pathways for Support: Don’t just say “come as you are”—show people what support looks like. This could be recovery groups, mentorship, or partnerships with ministries like Pure Desire.
Compassionate Responses: Avoid dismissive advice or “just pray harder” responses. Instead, listen, empathize, and offer practical next steps.
Ongoing Training: Equip leaders and volunteers with training on how to handle disclosures of sexual brokenness with care and confidentiality.
Actionable Advice:
Audit Your Church Culture: Ask, “If someone confessed a struggle with pornography here, what would actually happen?” Identify gaps and make a plan.
Start Small Groups: Consider launching support groups or using resources like Pure Desire’s “Sexual Integrity 101” to create structured, safe environments for healing.
Partner with Experts: Don’t reinvent the wheel—leverage existing ministries and resources to support your congregation.
4. Practical Steps for Individuals and Families
You don’t have to be a pastor to make a difference. Whether you’re a parent, friend, or small group leader, you can help break the cycle of secrecy and shame.
For Individuals:
Be the First to Ask: If you suspect a friend is struggling, gently open the door for conversation. “Hey, I care about you. If you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here.”
Offer Accountability: Accountability isn’t about policing—it’s about walking alongside someone with empathy and encouragement.
For Parents:
Start the Conversation Early: Don’t wait for a crisis. Use age-appropriate language to talk about sexuality, technology, and healthy relationships.
Use Available Resources: Pure Desire offers a free youth leader library with 25 short videos, a parent training course, and a 30-day preview of “Sexual Integrity 101.”
Lead with Curiosity, Not Condemnation: Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you doing with your phone and online stuff?” rather than launching into lectures.
For Families:
Create a Culture of Openness: Make it clear that no topic is off-limits. Celebrate honesty, even when it’s hard.
Model Healthy Boundaries: Be transparent about your own boundaries and struggles (as appropriate), showing that everyone is on a journey.
5. Engaging the Next Generation
The research highlighted a dramatic rise in pornography use among young women and the normalization of behaviors like sending nude images. Gen Z faces unique challenges, and our approach must adapt.
Key Insights:
Technology is Ubiquitous: Young people are growing up in a digital world where access to explicit content is just a click away.
Behavior is Normalized: Many young adults see sexting and pornography as normal parts of relationships.
Actionable Advice:
Focus on the “Why”: Instead of just saying “don’t do it,” help young people explore the deeper reasons behind their choices. Ask, “How does this impact your relationships and self-worth?”
Equip, Don’t Just Warn: Provide tools and wisdom for navigating digital relationships, not just warnings about dangers.
Engage, Don’t Condemn: Approach conversations with empathy and curiosity, not judgment.
6. A Call to Action: Resources and Next Steps
The findings from "Beyond the Porn Phenomenon" are a wake-up call. The struggle is real, growing, and often hidden. But there is hope—when we break the silence, create safe spaces, and walk together in grace and truth.
Next Steps:
Explore the Research: Download the full report from Pure Desire Ministries to inform your conversations and strategies.
Leverage Free Resources: Check out Pure Desire’s youth leader library, parent training, and “Sexual Integrity 101” course.
Start the Conversation: Whether in your family, small group, or church, take the first step to open up about these issues.
Commit to Ongoing Growth: Healing and change take time. Be patient with yourself and others as you pursue sexual integrity together.
Final Thoughts
Friends, the journey toward sexual wholeness is not easy, but it’s worth it. By facing these issues head-on—with honesty, compassion, and practical support—we can help ourselves and others find freedom and healing. Let’s be the kind of community where no one has to struggle alone.
If you’re looking for more guidance, resources, or a place to start, visit Pure Desire Ministries and Barna Group. Together, we can move beyond the porn phenomenon and build a culture of integrity, grace, and hope.
You’re not alone. Let’s walk this road together.
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