What Influences Have Shaped Your Sexuality Thus Far?


Starting with Your Childhood


John: In my book, Honest Talk, I challenge parents to share with each other things about their past that they may have never shared with anyone. I ask couples to share something their parents did not tell them about sex that negatively influenced them. I also ask them to share with each other how they imagined God viewed sex when they were teenagers. Shortly after the book was first published a young couple told me that they had never talked about what shaped their sexuality when they were young with each other. They shared how much it helped their marriage to be able to talk about their childhood past. They learned things about each other they never knew and could better understand each other.


Anne: Sexuality is a central and integral part of being human. Sexuality is shaped over a lifetime beginning with the emotional bonds parents form (or don't form) as infants. Because of the ways past sexual encounters impact you, they can shape your views of yourself, your view of others, your world, and God.


Because sexuality is so significant to your life and because sexual experiences impact you so deeply, sexuality can also be an area of significant growth for you. An important part of that growth involves acknowledging the experiences and encounters that helped shape you.


Your stories matter. In many cases, they hold the key to healing from sexual wounding or finding freedom from recurring sexual struggles. As you think about your childhood experiences you can then respond with compassion to the child within you. This will then help you respond with grace and compassion to your own children and identify with the challenges they may face.<