Gaining Godly Perspective: Seeing Yourself and Others Through Jesus’s Eyes

In today’s episode, I had the privilege of sitting down with Dr. Stephen Cervantes from Doctor Marriage to explore a theme that’s both deeply personal and universally relevant: “Self and Others.” Together, we unpacked four transformative perspectives:

• How we view ourselves

• How we view others

• How Jesus views us

• How Jesus views others

This isn’t just a philosophical exercise—it’s a practical roadmap for anyone seeking healing, growth, and authentic connection, especially if you’re wrestling with addiction, shame, or questions of identity. Let’s break down the key insights and actionable steps from our conversation, so you can start seeing yourself and others through a new, compassionate lens.

1. The Four Lenses: Why They Matter

Understanding the Four Perspectives

Dr. Cervantes opened our discussion by highlighting that life is fundamentally about two realities: the self and others. But it’s not enough to just “be” with ourselves or others—we need to examine how we see ourselves and those around us. Add to that the spiritual dimension: how does Jesus see us? And how does He see others?

Why is this important? Because our views shape our actions, relationships, and even our capacity for healing. As the old saying goes, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” If we don’t pause to reflect on these perspectives, we risk living on autopilot—driven by old wounds, shame, or false beliefs.

Action Step: Take a moment to write down your honest answers to these questions:

• How do I see myself?

• How do I see others?

• How do I think Jesus sees me?

• How do I think Jesus sees others?

2. How We View Ourselves: The Roots of Identity and Shame

Early Programming and Emotional Wounds

Our self-view is often shaped in childhood—by parents, teachers, peers, and early experiences. Dr. Cervantes calls this our “emotional programming.” If you grew up with criticism, neglect, or unrealistic expectations, you may carry a sense of being “not enough,” defective, or unlovable.

In addiction recovery, this is especially pronounced. Many addicts fear being alone—not because they crave company, but because solitude brings them face-to-face with their own pain and shame. I shared my own journey: for years, being alone meant falling into old, destructive patterns. Only through recovery did I learn to enjoy my own company and approach solitude with healthier intentions.

Key Insights:

• Shame is not just a feeling—it’s an identity. It whispers, “I am bad,” not just “I did something bad.”

• Pain drives us to seek comfort, often in unhealthy ways. Addiction is less about pleasure and more about escaping pain.

Action Step: Reflect on your self-talk. When you’re alone, what do you say to yourself? Is it compassionate or critical? Try journaling your thoughts for a week to spot patterns.

3. How We View Others: The Mirror of Our Own Wounds

We Cluster with Those Like Us

Dr. Cervantes pointed out that we naturally gravitate toward people who reflect our own struggles or identities. This can be positive (finding support in recovery groups) or negative (reinforcing unhealthy behaviors in certain social circles).

Examples:

• A young person struggling with identity may seek out others with similar experiences for acceptance, even if self-destructive.

• People with addictions often gather in places where their behaviors are normalized, even if it doesn’t lead to growth.

Key Insights:

• Our view of others is often a projection of our own self-view. If we see ourselves as broken, we may judge or avoid others who remind us of our pain.

• True compassion starts with self-compassion. When we accept our own wounds, we’re more able to empathize with others.

Action Step: Notice your social circles. Are you drawn to people who reinforce your old identity, or those who challenge you to heal and grow? Consider seeking out relationships that support your healing.

4. How Jesus Views Us: Chosen, Loved, and Forgiven

The Transformative Power of Compassion

Here’s where everything shifts. Jesus doesn’t see us through the lens of our failures, shame, or brokenness. He sees us as sheep without a shepherd—lost, weary, and in need of care. Even in His own grief (like after John the Baptist’s death), Jesus was moved by compassion for others.

Key Insights:

• Jesus’s love is both personal and universal. He sees the crowd, but He also sees you.

• He calls us chosen, loved, and forgiven. This isn’t based on our performance, but on His grace.

Action Step: When you catch yourself in self-judgment, pause and ask: “How would Jesus see me right now?” Practice speaking words of grace over yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable.

5. How Jesus Views Others: Beyond Judgment to Radical Empathy

Seeing the Crowd and the Individual

Jesus’s ministry was marked by relentless compassion. He saw people’s needs, not just their behaviors. He fed the hungry, healed the sick, and welcomed the outcast. He didn’t just see “sinners”—He saw people in pain, longing for healing and connection.

Key Insights:

• We’re called to see others as Jesus does: not as problems to fix, but as people to love.

• Compassion doesn’t mean enabling, but it does mean understanding. We can hold boundaries while still seeing the humanity in others.

Action Step: Next time you’re frustrated with someone, ask: “What pain might they be carrying? How can I respond with compassion instead of judgment?”

6. Breaking Down the Wall of Self-Judgment

Forgiving Ourselves as Jesus Forgives

One of the biggest barriers to healing is our own self-condemnation. Even when we intellectually accept God’s forgiveness, we often hold onto shame and blame. Dr. Cervantes calls this the “wall” that keeps us from fully receiving grace.

Key Insights:

• Self-forgiveness isn’t about excusing our mistakes—it’s about releasing ourselves from the prison of shame.

• Holding onto self-judgment only perpetuates pain. Jesus has already paid the price; our job is to accept the gift.

Action Step: Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself. Acknowledge your mistakes, but also affirm your worth and the forgiveness that’s already yours in Christ.

7. Living Out a Compassionate View: Practical Steps for Daily Life

Moving from Theory to Practice

This isn’t just a nice idea—it’s a daily practice. Here’s how you can start living out these new perspectives:

• Daily Reflection: Spend a few minutes each morning asking God to help you see yourself and others through Jesus’s eyes.

• Community Support: Join a group (recovery, church, or support group) where you can practice vulnerability and receive encouragement.

• Service: Look for small ways to serve others, even when you’re struggling. Compassion grows through action.

• Boundaries: Remember, compassion includes healthy boundaries. Loving others doesn’t mean enabling harmful behavior.

8. A New Year’s Resolution: Eyes of Grace

As we step into a new season, I invite you to make this your resolution:“God, help me see myself and others more through Your eyes than my own.”

This simple prayer can open the door to healing, deeper relationships, and a life marked by grace instead of shame.

Final Thoughts: You Are Seen, Loved, and Not Alone

If you’re struggling with addiction, shame, or a sense of isolation, know this: You are not alone. You are seen, loved, and forgiven—right where you are.

Let’s walk this journey together, learning to see ourselves and others with the compassion and hope that Jesus offers. If you need support, reach out. There’s a community here ready to walk with you toward healing and freedom.

Resources for Further Growth

• Doctor Marriage – Dr. Stephen Cervantes’s platform for marriage and personal growth

• Support Groups – Find a local or online recovery or support group

• Books*:

  • The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson

  • Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero

  • Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund

  • Identity by John Fort

Thank you for joining us on this deep dive. Let’s keep the conversation going—share your thoughts, struggles, and victories. Together, we can learn to see with new eyes.

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*The links to the listed books are affiliate links. Be Broken may earn referral fees on purchases through this link.